Window
Cleaning of the Stars
by Paul Dutton, Paul's Professional
window Washing, Glendale, CA
Come
to beautiful sunny Southern California, with its swimming
pools, movie stars, Sunset Strip, and Hollywood, where all
we do is go to the beach, live in hot tubs and no one works.
We're all rich, independently wealthy, and great looking.
We're all happy and work is for someone else.
Today
we will be doing one of the Disney family members homes at
the beach. It's just another sunny day in paradise. As we
get our all-girl bikini crew* set up on the windows, I make
sure the alarm on the multimillion-dollar beach mansion is
turned off. Since they already trust us and have given us
a key, we're inside the security gates cleaning the windows
for the stars. Being in the 90° weather I, of course, splashed
on the suntan lotion after taking off my shirt. Of course,
I had to help the ladies with putting on their lotion as well.
Wouldn't want to have any UV ray damage. Of course we allow
bathing suits, but only when we work at the beach.
After
I get the crew going I thought it would be a good idea to
knock on a few doors to drum up some more business.
As
I pass by Redford's beach house, (one of our accounts) I wave
to his daughter out sunning herself by the hot tub. Wait,
I don't believe my eyes, is that Steven Spielberg? Sure enough,
there he goes speeding by in his black Mercedes. The next
door I come to is that guy who played on "Rowan and Martin's
Laugh In", Dick Martin. He's remodeling and wants an estimate
- Jackpot! I give him one of my brochures and an estimate
of
$1,895
and he says he'll call in about 5-6 weeks when they are done
with their two million-dollar remodel.
I
have to hurry back so I can give an estimate in the Hollywood
Hills. I meet with the contractor who pointed out that the
lady's neighbors are none other than the (late) Wilt Chamberlain
and Farrah Fawcett. I mention that I had given the Chamberlains
an estimate about 8-9 years ago, and since then we have 26
celebrity customers who now get their windows done by our
crews. As we approach the two-mile long driveway-lined with
perfectly groomed lawns and grounds we are surprised to see
such easy windows on such a large mansion.
After
the contractor and I converse I of course give him the $2,700
bid and he said, "...fine, we'll schedule you next week."
I whipped out my cell phone and booked it with my secretary
right then. What do you mean, Dolly Parton is coming into
town and wants her L.A. house cleaned? We'll have to bump
her. After all this client is the president of Columbia Pictures.
That's Hollywood for you, baby! Whoever has the most cash,
calls the shots. It's just business - nothing personal, you
understand.
Well,
back to the beach house to check on the ladies. The windows
are looking good and so is the scenery on the beach. It's
hard to concentrate sometimes with all this activity going
on. Being the boss I never have to do any of the difficult
ladder sets, that's what we have the girls for. I noticed
by using the Tucker Poles on a day like today the girls were
kind of cooling off and getting wet from all of the runoff.
So we got the job done early and packed up.
I
drove along Pacific Coast Highway to stop off at a Guiana
beachside cafe to have some ice tea. The waiter asked if I
would like some Ginseng tea with an alpha sprout sandwich.
I looked at him and said, "No, I'll have the double cheeseburger
and a coke, buddy!" Not all Californians suck on smoothies
and herbal teas! As I waited for my waiter to bring back my
cheeseburger, I looked down the beach. I noticed a camera
crew and lifeguards everywhere. They must be filming another
episode of "Bay Watch." Now there's a job I would like to
have. Girls and suntan lotion, all day, everyday -must be
tough.
As
I take care of the job manager's notes, I call the office
on my cell phone to make sure we have confirmed Glen Fry's
appointment tomorrow. His house looks like Hotel California.
Yeah,
this window cleaning sure is tough in sunny Southern California.
Celebrities, pools, movie stars, suntan lotion and girls.
Yes, it's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. Sure feel
sorry for those stuck on the East coast with all the snow
they're having - not!
P.S.
We have job openings.
This
article was reprinted with permission from American
Window Cleaner magazine.
